


All the Fullness of Friendship

by jesterlady



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: British Character, Drunkenness, Frenemies, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-23
Updated: 2011-09-23
Packaged: 2017-10-23 23:30:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/256296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A random Spike and Giles moment I had.  Spike is evil, Giles is drunk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Fullness of Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS. The title is from Francois Fenelon.

Spike pulled the cork out of the bottle and started to pour. It was one of the few pleasures of his life and that was doubled by the fact that he’d successfully knicked it. Stealing was the only outlet he had for his evil tendencies these days. Unfortunately, the Slayer and her posse were becoming immune to his remarks.

He paused in mid-pour because he thought he heard a giggle from outside. Random noises were not uncommon in his cemetery, but they generally involved growls, screams and menacing chuckles. There was no giggling in the cemetery.

He strode over to the door of his crypt and yanked the door open. His eyebrow lifted of its own accord when he saw Giles squatted on the doorstep, with his finger on his lip, a bottle in his hand, and several imaginary friends that he was in the process of shushing.

“Watcher, what the bloody hell are you doing out there?”

“Quiet, Spike!” Giles said, not even looking at him. “We’re hiding and the others will find us if you’re not quiet.”

“I think it’s best to hide _behind_ something. You’re less easily seen that way.”

“Nonsense,” said Giles, unsteadily rising to his feet. “No wonder you’re evil with brains like that.”

“Yeah, cause the white hats seem to be holding all the brain cards.” Spike sighed as Giles showed no signs of wanting to leave and seemed to be content to stay outside of Spike’s crypt forever. Or at least till he passed out. “Get in here,” he said and sighed. “Some thing’s going to eat you and then the Slayer will have my ass.”

“What rotten imagery,” Giles muttered as he stumbled inside with Spike’s help. Spike slung him into his chair and went back to fetching his own drink.

“It’s a nice place,” Giles said, looking around. “I think a few throw rugs are in order.”

“I’m sure they would be,” Spike said indulgently. He ordinarily didn’t like people whom he couldn’t eat interrupting his solitude, but the sight of Giles as tight as an owl was giving him excellent blackmailing stock for the future.

“You’re lucky you live all alone.”

“You live alone yourself there, Rupes.”

“My house is infested.” Giles nodded sagely. “With young people. Running around, throwing hormones all over the place. It’s horrible. There should be a spray.”

“That there should,” Spike agreed, throwing back his glass. “Bloody savages.”

“Savage like tigers and not nearly as polite.”

“And how many polite tigers have you encountered?” Spike inquired. Giles threw his empty bottle to the ground.

“It doesn’t even matter. It’s all going to fall apart anyway. I should just go back to England.”

Apparently, they had reached the maudlin stage of tonight’s drinking binge. Spike didn’t like that part.

“What are you yammering about?” he asked and wondered why he was even encouraging this conversation.

“They’re there, but what do they need me for anyway?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

“Buffy can slay anything and I’m just Hugh Hefner, apparently. Not allowed a social life, but can’t do anything for them anyway.”

“You’re being bloody stupid.”

“Oh really?” Giles stood up and weaved drunkenly as he made his way toward Spike and pointed at him. “And what have you done with your unlife, William the Bloody? Was there some grand plan of building an empire we don’t know about? Getting a green card perhaps or a heartbeat?”

“I don’t happen to care about any of those things,” Spike said, averting his head from Giles’ breath. “So sod off or I will put you back out to get eaten.”

“Buffy will beat you up,” Giles said, sitting back down again, almost missing the chair.

“From what you said, it doesn’t sound like she cares that much. I’ll take my chances.”

“She, she cares. But it’s all pointless.” Giles started to wave his hands around. “I’m all used up. Just like that.” He pointed at his discarded bottle and started to giggle again. Spike shuddered. This had to stop.

“Listen up, mate. The Slayer cares more about you than she does her own dad. She’s doing the independent, growing up thing. Stretching her wings and that rot. First demon who’s got some horn she’s never seen before shows up and she’ll be pounding down the door wanting your brainy assistance. Let’s try and make sure you’re sober when she gets there.”

“What a ponce you are.” Giles started to laugh. “That’s all true, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, yeah, it is.”

“I’m going to go home now,” Giles said, actually laying back and closing his eyes. “I’m going to go home and go to bed. If you tell anybody, Spike, I’m going to kick your…”

Spike just looked at the Watcher sprawled out in his chair and starting to snore, reeking of alcohol.

“Quaking in my boots,” he said, rolling his eyes. He leaned forward and threw his ratty blanket over Giles and pulled the man’s shoes off. Spike barricaded the crypt door for the night and went downstairs, taking his bottle with him. “Pillock can sleep there, but if he giggles again, I’m throwing him in the bloody sewers.”


End file.
